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Shattered

Wednesday, 9 May 2013: Thirty-Seven Days Old.

It’s amazing how quickly your confidence as a new mum can be shattered.

Yesterday, I was on top of the world; I felt fantastic, I was in control, and I was calm and confident.

Then at about 9.50am that confidence was shattered like a champagne glass dropped from a fourth storey window.

Trigger? Ayla flung herself off the couch onto the hard tiled floor.

First of all, she’s ok. A little bruise on her elbow and a 30 second cry before she forgot all about it.

I was not ok!

I spent the rest of the day riddled with guilt, overwhelming self-doubt and fear….
Why did I put her there?
Why didn’t I grab her?
Did she hit her head?
How do I say I’m sorry?
Is sorry even good enough?

I know it won’t be the first time she’ll hurt herself, but I can only hope the guilt gets lessened and the self-doubt stays at bay!

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