But still, I worry!

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Thursday, 10 April 2014: One Year, One Week and Two Days Old.

Today was so full of worry that I am going to bed exhausted and completely overwhelmed.

I got Ayla’s test results back today and while her bloods were ok, they still showed a low grade infection (due to “the virus”) and mild anaemia, which is apparently a lingering affect of Ayla’s gastro bug and her lack of appetite thanks to the lengthy fever.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s weight is also about 800gm less than what it was two weeks ago, but the doctor assures me it’s probably just due to differing scales and that the difference isn’t significant enough to be concerned about.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s urine screen also came back showing signs of a very dangerous bacteria called pseudomosa, but because the sample was ‘contaminated’, and because Ayla seems to be getting better by the day, the doctor doubts the results are accurate and has ordered new tests just to be on the safe side.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s sleep routine is completely out of whack at the moment too, both during the day when she might not sleep at all, and at night when sometimes Ayla will be awake every few hours! Plenty of people have told me it’s just a normal part of adjusting to day care and getting into a rhythm so there’s no reason to stress.

But still, I worry!

On a more positive note however, the ladies at day care said Ayla has been eating much better lately. Personally I haven’t seen Ayla eat a proper meal for over a week now but they promised me the two biscuits and bowl of macaroni cheese Ayla ate today was great and that it’s a good sign she’s settling in.

But still… I worry!

I have never known worry like this before! There’s so much of it, all the time, and with no sign of it going away soon I wonder how I will cope!

It’s amazing how much worrying damages my self esteem and has me questioning my own decisions. After just one day of intense worrying I feel like my world has been turned upside down and I just want it to slow down and stop spinning!

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