Wednesday, 16 April 2014: One Year, Two Weeks and One Day Old.

Argh!! I’m so tired, so sick, stressed and my boobs are turning into empty sacks while I watch.

I’m over of having sickness in this household. Over of sleepless nights. I feel absolutely terrible and I can feel my body shutting down!!

So much for the “solution” to a full nights sleep I thought I’d discovered yesterday…

After not going to bed until 9pm Ayla was up at midnight, then again 2.45am, 4.00am, 5.00am and 6.00am.

At the midnight feed I gave Ayla another bottle, then at 2.45am I gave her breast milk.

Then after that there’s was nothing more I could do except lie listening to Ayla cry through the monitor, waiting for her go back to sleep herself.

Hubby was right there with me of course and he was willing to get up and give resettling his best shot, but Ayla’s tears are for mummy, nothing else.

I can understand where Ayla’s coming from, everything she’s experienced in life so far has been turned on its head and if I were her I’d be wanting cuddles too.

But where I’d usually enjoy our quite closeness in the wee hours, last night my body just wouldn’t let me.

Finally my fever has broken but I’m sicker today than yesterday! The antibiotics are making me ill and I feel weak from having had no appetite for days.

To add insult to injury I feel terrible for Baby Ayla who needs me to be there for her as she adjusts to her new routine but I can’t even provide her with the milk she’s relied on her whole life.

It sucks. I really want to be writing about happy things, new memories and fun adventures but it’s seems to be a downward slope at the moment! I’m sure things will turn around soon, and hopefully I’ll feel better after some sleep!