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No more expressing

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Wednesday, 23 April 2014: One Year, Three Weeks and One Day Old.

Sadly, I had to make the call to stop expressing milk at work today.

Even though I’ve only been back in the office a couple of weeks, I’m already feeling swamped and finding time to express is becoming more and more difficult.

Although I know I can get everything done at work during my part time hours, it means using every minute effectively to ensure no time is wasted.

It feels contradictory to put “time wasting” and “breast feeding” in the same sentence, and it kills me to think I’m putting work ahead of Ayla.

But the benefits of working part time are outweighing the need for me to be religious about Ayla’s breast milk consumption, so it seems like my days of sitting in the storeroom pumping milk are over.

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Argh!!

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Wednesday, 16 April 2014: One Year, Two Weeks and One Day Old.

Argh!! I’m so tired, so sick, stressed and my boobs are turning into empty sacks while I watch.

I’m over of having sickness in this household. Over of sleepless nights. I feel absolutely terrible and I can feel my body shutting down!!

So much for the “solution” to a full nights sleep I thought I’d discovered yesterday…

After not going to bed until 9pm Ayla was up at midnight, then again 2.45am, 4.00am, 5.00am and 6.00am.

At the midnight feed I gave Ayla another bottle, then at 2.45am I gave her breast milk.

Then after that there’s was nothing more I could do except lie listening to Ayla cry through the monitor, waiting for her go back to sleep herself.

Hubby was right there with me of course and he was willing to get up and give resettling his best shot, but Ayla’s tears are for mummy, nothing else.

I can understand where Ayla’s coming from, everything she’s experienced in life so far has been turned on its head and if I were her I’d be wanting cuddles too.

But where I’d usually enjoy our quite closeness in the wee hours, last night my body just wouldn’t let me.

Finally my fever has broken but I’m sicker today than yesterday! The antibiotics are making me ill and I feel weak from having had no appetite for days.

To add insult to injury I feel terrible for Baby Ayla who needs me to be there for her as she adjusts to her new routine but I can’t even provide her with the milk she’s relied on her whole life.

It sucks. I really want to be writing about happy things, new memories and fun adventures but it’s seems to be a downward slope at the moment! I’m sure things will turn around soon, and hopefully I’ll feel better after some sleep!

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More milk Mumma!

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Monday, 14 April 2014; One Year, One Week and Six Days Old.

“Ayla needs some more milk Mumma!” said the ladies at day care this afternoon when I walked in.

“Oh no!” said I.

Since Ayla started day care last week I’ve been sending her with 2x 100ml pouches of expressed milk to last her the 7 hours she’s in care.

Admittedly it didn’t look like much but it’s hard to tell how much Ayla gets when she drinks directly, and 100ml seems to be the average amount I can express in any one sitting.

But as it turns out 200ml of milk per day, plus Ayla’s evening feed her bedtime feed and her through-the-night feeds just mustn’t be enough for her growing one year old body!

To make matters worse I have been sick with Tonsilitis since Saturday (will my little family ever be all well at the same time ??) and my supply has started to dwindle; today I was lucky to get a combined 100ml from both expressing sessions!

So as a temporary supplement for breast milk, the day care mums and I decided to try Ayla on one cows milk bottle per day, which will be diluted by 50% water, at least until my milk comes back or in the worst case scenario dries up all together.

So tonight as bed time rolled around Ayla just wouldn’t settle. My breasts were empty and I damned my stupid unrelenting fever for drawing out all my body’s goodness and making my Baby Ayla hungry.

With literally not one single drop coming out, I decided to bring forward the cows milk:water trial to see if Ayla would take to it.

She did! Ayla drank the whole lot from a bottle… That I fed her! That’s two more firsts right there!

Let’s just hope her belly agrees 🙂