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Lumps and bumps

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Wednesday, 30 April 2014: One Year, Four Weeks and One Day Old.

When I picked Ayla up from day care yesterday she had a raised, red, blistery rash on her arms, legs and face that must have been itchy because she was trying to eat her knees!

At first I thought it might have been a grass rash but the day care mums assured me Ayla had worn her long pants when she went outside.

I didn’t really think too much of it, particularly because apart from the two days of screaming on Sunday and Monday Ayla has been her normal happy self.

But today the rash is still there and although it was spreading to her buttocks, back and chest, Ayla is technically well enough for day care because she doesn’t have a fever, an upset stomach or flu-like symptoms.

Alas, around lunch time I got “the call” (the second one in two days) and was asked to pick Ayla up and take her to the doctors to “rule out” measles.

It’s a requirement in the Territory to advise medical receptionists if you’re suspected of having measles, so consequently Ayla and I were asked to stand outside in the carpark, in the sun, in the middle of the afternoon and wait for a doctor to come to us.

The doctor seemed to think Ayla’s rash is viral but because of the small chance that it could be measles she had to take swabs by bursting some of Ayla’s blisters which have now, already, turned into unsightly scabs.

This all means that Ayla is now officially quarantined at home until the results come back tomorrow evening.

It’s all very gross (I hate lumps and bumps) but while Ayla seems happy enough I’m not too worried. Here’s hoping it stays that way!

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Ten hours!

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Tuesday, 15 April 2014: One Year and Two Weeks Old.

I don’t want to jinx myself buuutttt Ayla slept ten hours straight last night!

The only thing I can attribute it to is the bottle of diluted cows milk she had at bed time and the zzzz’s were like music to my aching tonsilitis ears.

Mind you, that doesn’t meant I slept for 10 hours even though I did go to bed at 8pm when Ayla did.

No, instead I was up half the night nursing fever, chills, pain and killer night sweats.

But still, is it a new leaf?! Have we found an answer for a full night’s sleep? Gosh I hope so.

Even better than Ayla’s overnight sleep was her three hour nap today, which I took FULL advantage of by spending it sound asleep on the couch.

I had the day off work and wasn’t sure what to do with Ayla, whether to get up early and take her to day care like usual, or let her (and me!) sleep until we were ready the take the day as it comes.

I chose the latter.

It meant we didn’t get up til after 8am, and at 10.30am, Ayla was back snoozing in her cot!

When she woke at 1.30pm I opted to take her to day care so I could continue my wallowing in peace, but alas I felt so guilty for dropping her off while I was at home the sleep I drifted into was fitful.

Never mind. Another early night, 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep and a good coffee in the morning and I should be right! (Touch wood).

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But still, I worry!

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Thursday, 10 April 2014: One Year, One Week and Two Days Old.

Today was so full of worry that I am going to bed exhausted and completely overwhelmed.

I got Ayla’s test results back today and while her bloods were ok, they still showed a low grade infection (due to “the virus”) and mild anaemia, which is apparently a lingering affect of Ayla’s gastro bug and her lack of appetite thanks to the lengthy fever.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s weight is also about 800gm less than what it was two weeks ago, but the doctor assures me it’s probably just due to differing scales and that the difference isn’t significant enough to be concerned about.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s urine screen also came back showing signs of a very dangerous bacteria called pseudomosa, but because the sample was ‘contaminated’, and because Ayla seems to be getting better by the day, the doctor doubts the results are accurate and has ordered new tests just to be on the safe side.

But still, I worry!

Ayla’s sleep routine is completely out of whack at the moment too, both during the day when she might not sleep at all, and at night when sometimes Ayla will be awake every few hours! Plenty of people have told me it’s just a normal part of adjusting to day care and getting into a rhythm so there’s no reason to stress.

But still, I worry!

On a more positive note however, the ladies at day care said Ayla has been eating much better lately. Personally I haven’t seen Ayla eat a proper meal for over a week now but they promised me the two biscuits and bowl of macaroni cheese Ayla ate today was great and that it’s a good sign she’s settling in.

But still… I worry!

I have never known worry like this before! There’s so much of it, all the time, and with no sign of it going away soon I wonder how I will cope!

It’s amazing how much worrying damages my self esteem and has me questioning my own decisions. After just one day of intense worrying I feel like my world has been turned upside down and I just want it to slow down and stop spinning!

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Did I tell her

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Tuesday, 8 April 2014: One Year and One Week Old.

Oh. My. Goodness… This morning was awful!

Ayla is still crook and after her late night last night she seemed a little worse for wear when she woke up.

But with no temperature Ayla was in generally good spirits and happy to eat some breakfast so it was off to “school” for both us of.

When we got to day care though, Ayla clung to me like a terrified koala.

After two attempts of trying to get her to let go, the day care mum had to prise Ayla’s little arms from around my body.

As soon I was out of Ayla’s grasp she started reaching out for me, and when I didn’t pick her up Ayla’s eyes started to well with tears.

The day care mum gave Ayla a cuddle as I tried to nonchalantly make my exit, but every step I took seemed to cause Ayla physical pain and I could see her little heart breaking as she screamed for my return.

When I reached the foyer I peered back down the corridor, through three glass-panelled doorways, and saw my Baby Ayla’s face staring back at me over the day care mums shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks.

It was then that the panic set in! I couldn’t remember if I’d told Ayla that I loved her when I left; what if something happens and ‘I love you’ aren’t the last words I said to her! What if she thinks I’ve left her there because I don’t love her! Should I go back?! Or just pretend it doesn’t matter… When it does!

Thankfully I was able to quell the anxiety and pull myself together, only releasing one solitary tear in the process.

After a deep breath and a few quick words of positive self talk I set my course for the office and tried to stay calm.

My second day at work was as good as the first and although I’m already starting to see work pile up on my desk, I can feel my brain fill with ideas and opportunities for the future.

I’m also getting used to expressing breast milk in the tiny store room out the back, and I think I found a way to discreetly store little bags of milk in the communal fridge.

Being a Tuesday I had uni after work so it was nearly ten hours before I got to see Ayla again.

The day care mums said Ayla had been unsettled and irritable all day but fortunately her temperature hadn’t returned and she’d eaten her first meal in days.

Although, by the time we got home Ayla had a fever of 38.9 which meant yet another dose of Panadol and plenty of cuddles.

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Split into two

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Monday, 7 April 2014: One Year and Six Days Old.

Today was split into two distinct parts for Ayla and I; returning to work and returning to hospital.

RETURNING TO WORK

Today was my first day back in the office after nearly 55 weeks on maternity leave, which meant it was Ayla’s first full day at daycare.

Our morning actually ran quite smoothly; me up at 5.30 and Ayla up at 6.30, heading out the door at 7.30 and sitting down to work at 8.30.

Ayla was completely unfussed about getting dropped off at day care, despite having a mild temperature, and she was happy to go out into the yard with one of the carers with out so much as a backwards glance.

Ayla’s lack of anxiety quickly dissipated mine and as I got closer and closer to work I actually found my excitement levels rising.

When I arrived I was showered with welcomes, hugs and compliments from friends and colleagues that helped make me feel right at home.

I was a bit surprised at how happy and relaxed I was, only calling the day care centre once and spending the rest of the day reacquainting my self with the pre-baby life I’d unknowingly missed.

When knock off came I felt completely in control and reassured that I can in fact transition into life as a working mum.

However on arriving to the centre to collect Ayla I was met with concern for her ever climbing temperature.

RETURNING TO HOSPITAL

The day care centre mums had given Ayla Panadol moments before I arrived to collect her because she’d been irritable and uncomfortable all day with a temp ranging in the 38’s.

Had Ayla not just come out of hospital, and had she not just completed a long course of antibiotics I wouldn’t have been too concerned, probably attributing the temp to teething.

But as that isn’t the case we returned to hospital for a professional opinion, which was this; “a virus”.

It took four hours, a urine test, canulars in both hands for bloods and plenty of poking and prodding to reach that conclusion, which quite simply has no cure but to wait it out.

So our leisurely afternoon had turned into a saga and our early night became a late one.

Poor Baby Ayla, I just wish with all my heart she starts feeling better soon, she doesn’t deserve all this sickness.

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Twinkly

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Sunday, 30 March 2014: Three Hundred and Sixty Three Days Old.

Ayla’s eyes are getting more twinkly by the minute and its such a relief.

Last night was gratefully and gloriously uneventful, and when we spoke to the hospital this morning it was music to our ears to hear that Ayla is on the right antibiotics.

It means we’ve now been officially discharged from the hospital and Ayla will be right as rain in no time.

Hubby and I have been overwhelmed by the love, well wishes and support we’ve received from Ayla’s friends and family around the world.

Even people we barely know have made heartfelt efforts to share their regards and I can assure you every “get well soon” was so very much appreciated.

Having a sick Baby Ayla was an awful experience and no matter how hard I tried to stay strong and positive, on the inside I could feel my heart breaking and my mind reeling.

I am just so thankful Ayla’s illness was easily curable and I can only hope and pray that’s the sickest she’ll ever be. Touch wood.

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Diagnosis

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Saturday, 29 March 2014; Three Hundred and Sixty Two Days Old.

Ayla had a restless night last night and although she hasn’t had a fever since yesterday, this morning Ayla’s stomach was still upset and she was miserable.

Considering this is Ayla’s eighth day of being sick Hubby and I decided more need to be done than simply sitting around waiting for ‘it’ to ‘pass’.

So at lunchtime we demanded to speak to a paediatric supervisor to try and get some answers.

When the paediatrician came to see us she said that Ayla’s urine results had “only just literally come in that second” (conveniently) and that it was riddled with bugs.

I’d had a sneaking suspicion for a few days now that Ayla might have been suffering a UTI but the doctors kept telling me “not to worry” about catching a sample because it was probably only gastro.

Lucky I persisted.

Apparently Ayla’s UTI has stemmed from having had gastro in Thailand, which created the perfect environment for the e-coli bacteria to spread.

Ayla was immediately given the first dose in a seven day course of antibiotics and we waited at the hospital to see how her body would cope.

Ayla took the antibiotics like a champ and managed to keep it all down, so after a second dose at 7pm this evening we were sent home on ward leave.

Ward leave isn’t exactly discharged though… It means we are still awaiting final urine results tomorrow that will confirm if the generic antibiotics Ayla’s been prescribed will kill the particular bug she has.

It also means that if anything happens overnight we can go straight back to hospital and bypass the emergency room.

It was SO good to get Ayla out of the hospital, and out of that damn isolation room!!

Ayla seemed excited to be home too, crawling straight over to Cat Cat for a pat then off into her room to reacquaint herself.

I decided to treat Ayla to a special homecoming supper to celebrate so I put her in her high chair and presented her with a fresh strawberry and some chocolate custard.

Ayla was a sticky chocolatey mess in minutes and it felt good to have my little girl back!

If all goes well tonight Ayla could be back to her normal self by as early as tomorrow and if not well, lets not worry about that just yet.