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Flat

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Thursday, 22 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Two Days Old.

Today marked the second time in a week someone has commented on my flat chest.

Sure, I’d sort of realised that since going back to work my boobs had shrunk a bit, but I didn’t realise it was so noticeable’

Admittedly I’ve had to pack a whole bunch of bras away until such a time as I become pregnant again, but it turns out my decreasing milk supply is also resulting in ill-fitting frocks!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I’ve always been proud of my figure, attributing my boobs to being one of my best physical features, so now that they’re almost gone (like, actually gone) I’m definitely disappointed.

I also feel torn between sadness and pride; sad that my boobs are disappearing into oblivion before my eyes, but proud that I’ve been able to use them to sustain a human life, Ayla’s life, for nearly fourteen months.

I’m sad about the change in my figure, but I’m also proud for having lost my baby weight in a healthy, natural way.

And, I’m sad about the loss of my “youth”… The days of squeezing into too tight tops just to see how many second glances I’d get are LONG gone, but I’m proud to have swapped that for a gorgeous baby girl and her adoring father, and proud that I’m proud of that!

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More milk Mumma!

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Monday, 14 April 2014; One Year, One Week and Six Days Old.

“Ayla needs some more milk Mumma!” said the ladies at day care this afternoon when I walked in.

“Oh no!” said I.

Since Ayla started day care last week I’ve been sending her with 2x 100ml pouches of expressed milk to last her the 7 hours she’s in care.

Admittedly it didn’t look like much but it’s hard to tell how much Ayla gets when she drinks directly, and 100ml seems to be the average amount I can express in any one sitting.

But as it turns out 200ml of milk per day, plus Ayla’s evening feed her bedtime feed and her through-the-night feeds just mustn’t be enough for her growing one year old body!

To make matters worse I have been sick with Tonsilitis since Saturday (will my little family ever be all well at the same time ??) and my supply has started to dwindle; today I was lucky to get a combined 100ml from both expressing sessions!

So as a temporary supplement for breast milk, the day care mums and I decided to try Ayla on one cows milk bottle per day, which will be diluted by 50% water, at least until my milk comes back or in the worst case scenario dries up all together.

So tonight as bed time rolled around Ayla just wouldn’t settle. My breasts were empty and I damned my stupid unrelenting fever for drawing out all my body’s goodness and making my Baby Ayla hungry.

With literally not one single drop coming out, I decided to bring forward the cows milk:water trial to see if Ayla would take to it.

She did! Ayla drank the whole lot from a bottle… That I fed her! That’s two more firsts right there!

Let’s just hope her belly agrees 🙂