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Flat

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Thursday, 22 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Two Days Old.

Today marked the second time in a week someone has commented on my flat chest.

Sure, I’d sort of realised that since going back to work my boobs had shrunk a bit, but I didn’t realise it was so noticeable’

Admittedly I’ve had to pack a whole bunch of bras away until such a time as I become pregnant again, but it turns out my decreasing milk supply is also resulting in ill-fitting frocks!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I’ve always been proud of my figure, attributing my boobs to being one of my best physical features, so now that they’re almost gone (like, actually gone) I’m definitely disappointed.

I also feel torn between sadness and pride; sad that my boobs are disappearing into oblivion before my eyes, but proud that I’ve been able to use them to sustain a human life, Ayla’s life, for nearly fourteen months.

I’m sad about the change in my figure, but I’m also proud for having lost my baby weight in a healthy, natural way.

And, I’m sad about the loss of my “youth”… The days of squeezing into too tight tops just to see how many second glances I’d get are LONG gone, but I’m proud to have swapped that for a gorgeous baby girl and her adoring father, and proud that I’m proud of that!

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9

What’s going on?

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Saturday, 26 October 2013: Two Hundred and Seven Days Old.

I have no idea what’s going on today.

After our third rough night in a row, Ayla has spent literally all day grizzling and whinging.

It’s so unlike her, and because of that I don’t know how to handle it!

Ayla’s been off her milk, refusing to nap and cries whenever I go out of sight, but she has no temperature or symptoms of any kind and even picking her up hasn’t comforted her.

I guess it’s teething but I can’t feel anything underneath her gums… Surely if she’s this bad they’d be nearly breaking through?!

Don’t get me wrong though, Ayla hasn’t been a nightmare under certain terms, but compared to her normal state of happy she’s certainly been Grumpy Smurf.

I desperately hope she’s better tomorrow, although for now I’m simply looking forward to an hour of no noise and no squirming baby in my arms.

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My little girl

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Thursday, 24 October 2013: Two Hundred and Six Days Old.

My little girl

How does this happen,
This bond that we have?
Where does it come from
And what keeps it here?

You’re part of me now,
The best part of all,
You’re my breath and my heart
My life, and my soul.

I look at your face
And my stomach does flips,
I caress your soft skin
And bumps cover my flesh.

I smile at you
And you beam at me back
I sing and you listen
To my voice as it cracks.

You know nothing but love
And know nothing of fear
Your the purest of pure;
Real, honest and fair.

You’re destined for greatness,
For happiness and truth
You will change the world
Even if just for a few.

See,
You’ve brought light to my life
In ways you’ll not know
’til one day you too
Kiss your girl on her nose.

May your journey be grand
And your story be great
For you are my daughter,
My darling….
My little girl.

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I love you too

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Tuesday, 22 October 3013: Two Hundred and Four Days Old.

Ayla really loves her mummy… Me.

It melts my heart when Ayla reaches for me as I walk past, her little hands trying to grab any part of me they can just so that I’ll pause a moment near her.

And sometimes Ayla will start to squirm and cry for no apparent reason until I pick her up.

It’s then that Ayla throws her arms around me and stills in silence; all my baby wanted was a cuddle from her mummy.

Ayla’s also been practising her kisses I think, and there’s nothing more adorable than that.

Ayla grabs my face with both hands, opens her mouth and dives in, nuzzling my cheek and slobbering everywhere in a way that says “I love you” like nothing else in this world.

“I love you too Ayla Rose” xx

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Poo

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Monday, 21 October 2013: Twenty-Nine Weeks Old.

Baby Ayla got covered in poo for the first time today.

It was bedtime, but because Ayla had had a late nap she was full of beans and I popped her on a towel in her corner of the couch with some toys while I cooked dinner.

Hubby was out so I was doing ten things at once and while the pasta was cooking I ducked over to check on Ayla who’d gone quiet.

Right enough, she’d let out a sneaky poo so I gave her a quick bath, replaced the towel and put her back in her corner.

I had to tend to the dinner again, but after five minutes or so I got a moment and nipped into the laundry to rinse and soak the soiled towel.

On my way back to the kitchen I looked over at Ayla who had a strange, runny, peanut-butter like goo on her hands and face…

You guessed it.

On a closer inspection I discovered my darling sweetheart angel had finished off her poo and decided the smelly substance from her bottom was worthy of further investigation.

It was everywhere! On her feet, on her legs, her torso, arms, hands, under her neck and even on her face!

How on earth does poo spread so quickly?! I think it must be one of those unexplained mysteries if the world…

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Nudie-Bum

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Thursday, 17 October 2013: Two Hundred Days Old.

Ayla’s had a nudie-bum all day today, and she’s gonna stay that way until we get this darn nappy rash under control.

The rash has been there in minor since I first blogged about it weeks ago, but this morning it flared up and spread to Ayla’s gorgeous chubby thighs.

It’s so awful to see my flawless and precious Baby Ayla tired and in pain because it hurts to wee….

So after a quick phone consult with my mum this morning it was off to the doctors for Ayla and I, hoping to find a safe, quick, cheap and effective solution.

But alas, the doctor declared the rash was indeed “very bad” and prescribed a course of creams to knock it on the head and ease Ayla’s discomfort ASAP.

As much as I tell myself that nappy rash is normal, and common, and part and parcel of living in the tropics, I still feel guilty.

There seems to be countless – literally countless – remedies, solutions and preventative measures out there to keep Ayla’s bottom as smooth as a baby’s should be and I’ve gone and selected the few that didn’t work.

I’m so sorry baby!! Mummy’s gonna make it better soon xx