Tag Archives: mother

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Flat

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Thursday, 22 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Two Days Old.

Today marked the second time in a week someone has commented on my flat chest.

Sure, I’d sort of realised that since going back to work my boobs had shrunk a bit, but I didn’t realise it was so noticeable’

Admittedly I’ve had to pack a whole bunch of bras away until such a time as I become pregnant again, but it turns out my decreasing milk supply is also resulting in ill-fitting frocks!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I’ve always been proud of my figure, attributing my boobs to being one of my best physical features, so now that they’re almost gone (like, actually gone) I’m definitely disappointed.

I also feel torn between sadness and pride; sad that my boobs are disappearing into oblivion before my eyes, but proud that I’ve been able to use them to sustain a human life, Ayla’s life, for nearly fourteen months.

I’m sad about the change in my figure, but I’m also proud for having lost my baby weight in a healthy, natural way.

And, I’m sad about the loss of my “youth”… The days of squeezing into too tight tops just to see how many second glances I’d get are LONG gone, but I’m proud to have swapped that for a gorgeous baby girl and her adoring father, and proud that I’m proud of that!

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Second Mothers Day

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Sunday, 11 May 2014: One Year and Forty One Days Old.

I can’t believe today was my second Mothers Day.

It feels so different to last year when Ayla was only six weeks new, brown haired and floppy necked and so very fragile and pure.

This year however, knowing it’s my second Mothers Day, I feel as though I should know what I’m doing but of course I clearly don’t!

Every day with Ayla is like a whole new world, and I just have to think back twelve months ago to realise how much we’ve changed… Both of us.

Being my second Mothers Day also took some of the shine away (already!) but we had a lovely day nonetheless.

And although it wasn’t my first Mothers Day I was lucky enough to receive my first homemade presents from Ayla and I will treasure them for many more Mothers Days to come.

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Real Grandma

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Thursday, 24 April 2014: One Year, Three Weeks and Two Days Old.

When I got home from work this afternoon my mum met me at the door with a big grin and said “today I got to feel like a real grandma!”

Mum has been visiting for a week and while I’ve been at work she’s looked after Ayla in conjunction with Hubby who’s been on his rostered week off.

But today Ayla and her Grandma were on their own for the whole day – from 7.30am til 5.30pm.

My mum hasn’t had anything to do with babies for 26 years, but over the past week she’s been able to recall her undying parenting skills and has aptly put Ayla to bed, fed her, changed her and played with her like she’s been doing it all along.

But I think what had really resonated with Mum on this visit was that she’s been able to get to know Ayla in her own environment, and share in every day activities that she would normally miss out on due to distance.

I’ve loved seeing Ayla and her Grandma spend quality time together , and my Mum’s great day with Ayla culminated this evening when Ayla took her first official steps!

Ayla took just a couple of tentative wobbly ones but they were toward her Grandma and that put the icing on the cake for my Mum.

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Where’s your nose?

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Wednesday, 12 April 2014: Three Hundred and Forty Five Days Old.

Ayla learned where her nose is today!

I’ve been trying to teach her for a week or so now but usually she just copies me and points to my nose or pretends she’s pointing at something else.

I think it’s been a little tricky for Ayla to learn because she’s always understood “where is” in terms of things external to her, like The Dog, Cat Cat or Daddy.

But today she finally realised that there’s things different things that make up “Ayla” and she’s learned that her nose is one of them.

It just makes me well with pride when Ayla learns new things like this. I am so proud of her intelligence, her confidence, her ability to adapt, learn and grow.

And what a cute little nose it is! Who wouldn’t want to know where it is?!

I can’t wait to pretend I’ve pulled it offer her face though, in that game where you pretend the tip of your thumb is someone’s nose!

I think Ayla will love it but I’ll give it a couple of weeks before I try it I think… don’t want her to think her nose has gone just days after she found it!

PS – if you think Ayla’s adorable please vote for her in the Bonds Babies Search, Australia’s biggest baby photo comp!

C’mon, who wouldn’t wanna see that face on a billboard! Click here to vote

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Three at once

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Monday, 24 February 2014: Forty Seven Weeks Old.

Ayla and I were very busy today but I think the constant activity helped distract her from the awful pain of teething.

I can see three of Ayla’s top teeth all trying to push their way through at once; one front one and her two incisors (the pointy sharp fangs on either side of the front ones, which must feel like razor sharp samurai swords slowly splitting their way through her gums).

It must be agony for my poor Baby Ayla and I could tell she was suffering because she became grizzly and clingy and hard to please whenever we were between jobs or activities today.

I guess the thing with having an easygoing baby is that it doesn’t take much for it to feel like you’ve suddenly acquired a difficult one and I was grateful for the things that kept her occupied today.

Ayla spent most of the day in water actually – she had a swimming lesson, played with the hose, sucked on melting ice cubes and had multiple baths – and although it kept a smile on her face while I got stuck into some renovations I could see Ayla was distracted and uncomfortable.

I hope the teeth come through soon, I hate to see Ayla in pain like this but I can’t believe her little gummy smile is nearly nothing but a memory!

PS – I can’t remember if I made note on here about Ayla’s third tooth when it came through… it’s her first top one and has joined her two front bottom teeth.

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Outdoor playtime

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Sunday, 23 February 2014: Two Hundred and Thirty Days Old.

Ayla had her first proper outdoor playtime today and she spent it cruising around eating sticks and leaves, chasing the cat and playing in puddles.

Ayla has of course been outside countless times but this afternoon was the first opportunity she’s had to crawl about where ever she wanted doing what ever took her fancy.

Usually when I’ve taken Ayla outside I’ve sat her on a particular patch of grass and kept a close vigil on her whereabouts or I’ve relegated Ayla to her walker knowing she’d could go past the driveway edges.

Needless to say Ayla loved her newfound freedom and was covered head to toe in dirt, cobwebs, dogs hairs and goodness knows what else in no time.

There’s not doubt I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s near impossible to keep an immaculately clean and well presented baby all of the time, and to tell you the truth I actually enjoyed seeing Baby Ayla have so much fun getting dirty.

Letting Ayla explore the outdoors also meant that I was free to get stuck into the gardening, so long as I kept one watchful eye on Ayla of course!

And, because I we’re to lucky enough to live in the tropics, I knew that no matter how sweaty and dirty we got a quick wash down with was waiting for us at the end!

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Love my Child

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Monday, 17 February 2014: Forty Six Weeks Old.

I watched the first part of a new TV series about unwed, underage mothers in the late 1960’s tonight, and within second of it finishing I went straight in to see my sleeping Baby Ayla.

Every night since Ayla’s been born I’ve crept into her room while she’s slept, kissed her on the forehead and told her I love her.

But tonight, as well as whispering the usual “sweet dreams, sleep tight” I also thanked my Baby Ayla for coming into my life.

Within seconds of her birth and within moments of meeting her, my life changed forever; in just a few, fresh breaths of air Ayla somehow managed to open my eyes to a new world, a new range of emotions, a new set of passions and to a whole new me.

Within just those first few minutes, I became somebody who would sacrifice my life for another, if only that life was hers.

Watching the TV show tonight made me feel so unbelievably lucky and grateful for the world we live in, and so thankful that I get to spend countless moments with my Ayla.

Being a mother is so much more than I ever expected. As someone with no natural maternal drive the overwhelming all encompassing love I have for my daughter takes my breath away, every day.

Every new day brings new adventures and learnings and it’s a journey I am forever, eternally grateful for.

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Setting her own pace

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Saturday, 15 February 2014: Three Hundred and Twenty Days Old.

It amazing how over time Ayla is slowly setting her own routine that is much more “in line” with what I expected!

I was one of those pre-parents who raved on about the plans I had for my first child, saying things like “my kid will be in bed by 7:30 every night” and “my kid will have dinner when we have dinner” and “my kid will eat what we eat”.

But the reality is, it’s nothing like that (* insert collective “I told you so’s” from friends and family)

Since Ayla was born I’ve slowly learned to go of the silly, unsubstantiated “rules” I’d made up for what constituted good parenting, and instead have allowed Ayla to set her own pace for growing and learning… within a loose set of “guidelines” that keep her from completely ruling the roost!

At times I’ve seen a few raised eyebrows from people who’ve been shocked that Ayla’s bed time was anywhere between 8 and 9.30, or that Ayla might go a couple of days without eating hardly any solids but hey, at the end of the day I think being flexible and intuitive has contributed to the happy, healthy Ayla we all know and love.

But as my return to work looms in the near future I’ve been questioning some of my decisions and worrying about how a 9pm bed time is going to be sustainable.

I’ve also spent many a long night wondering about weaning; should I wean Ayla, how can I get her to take a bottle, will she go to sleep during the day if she can’t nurse?

I’ve been trying to catch myself in the act of over thinking, reminding myself that it will all sort itself out in due course and, well, turns out it is.

Around 6pm each night, Ayla starts getting hungry for her dinner. By 6.45 she’s usually finished and having a bath and by 7.30 Ayla’s starting to get tired and rub her eyes.

By 8pm, for the last few days anyway, Ayla’s read a story, been cocooned, and tucked into her bed, preferring to fall asleep on her own now instead of in my arms.

Ayla’s also sleeping much better through the night, and we’ve finally returned to the 7 or 8 hours stints she had when she was six months old.

While Ayla still refuses the bottle, and still relies on mummy cuddles for her day time naps, having a consistent, calm and natural bed time routine is making a huge difference to my confidence and I’m sure the other things will follow in due course.

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Logical reasoning

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Monday, 3 February 2014: Forty Four Weeks Old.

It’s been about six months since Ayla was last baby sat, but tonight we gave it another go.

Six months ago, Ayla would take a bottle.
Six months ago, Ayla would go to sleep when she was tired.
Six months ago, Ayla wouldn’t have realised I was gone.
Six months ago, Ayla didn’t crawl, or demand or need to be entertained.

So needless to say I was a little anxious!

The sitter was my mums friend and flat mate who’s raised two kids of her own and been a favourite Aunty to many, and although I wasn’t worried about her skill set I couldn’t help wondering if my baby would be different.

But reminding myself of logic and sensibility I said goodbye and drove just ten minutes up the road with my mum to watch a movie.

I’m happy to say I probably only thought about Ayla every 20 minutes or so, but considering it’s been six months since we were apart for longer than that it didn’t surprise me in the least.

After the move Mum and I returned to find Baby Ayla and her sitter playing quietly on the lounge room rug and as soon as Ayla saw me she crawled as fast as she could into my lap and covered my face in kisses slobber.

So I discovered that the coming home part is wonderful.

The experience was good practice I guess; it gave me a new insight into what it’s going to be like when I have to leave Ayla at day care and it’s shown me that the difficulty of being separated from her will be quickly forgotten at home time.

But let me tell you, it’s going to take every ounce of logical reasoning I have.

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Seasoned pro

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Wednesday, 29 January 2014: Three Hundred and Three Days Old.

I am so lucky to have a baby who is as forgiving, placid and easygoing as Ayla.

Up at 4.45am this morning Ayla was happy to wait with me as we huddled under the front patio in the pouring rain and waited for a taxi to arrive and take us to the airport.

Once there, nearly twenty minutes late mind you, Ayla sat comfortably on my hip and I sweet talked our way into three adjoining seats in Row 5 at no additional cost, and Ayla quietly clung on to me as we charged through the security checks,

The two of us spent the next half an hour sitting side by side on a departure lounge couch, sharing a toasted sandwich and watching other red-eye warriors prop their eyelids open with tooth pegs… Or coffee.

The flight itself was great, thanks to Row 5 but ultimately due to Ayla’s awesomeness at traveling; this is her third interstate trip since she was born and Ayla’s evidently a seasoned pro, happy and content to play with her toys and smile at the passengers behind us through the gap between seats.

I didn’t even have to feed Ayla during landing because her ears handled the change in altitude all by themselves, and I was able to somehow bundle Ayla into the Baby Ka’tan and be ready to “disembark via the front door” without a fuss.

Our luggage arrived on the carousel and we made our way to the pick up area where Ayla’s Grandma met us and helped us load our things, smothering Baby Ayla with cuddles and oodles of long awaited love.

From the airport we headed to a shopping centre no less, and while Grandma finished work for the day Ayla and I killed time browsing and stocking up on nappies and fruit.

We finally made it home in the late afternoon and by then Ayla’s eyes were hanging out of her head, as were mine.

Although we’d been able to jag a little over an hours sleep on the plane it was a massive, long, tiring day of travel and Ayla took it all in her stride.

I would have completely understood if Ayla had reached breaking point on the plane, in the car or even at the shopping centre but my baby girl is a trooper and she helps make even the most exhausting day a pleasure.