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Flat

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Thursday, 22 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Two Days Old.

Today marked the second time in a week someone has commented on my flat chest.

Sure, I’d sort of realised that since going back to work my boobs had shrunk a bit, but I didn’t realise it was so noticeable’

Admittedly I’ve had to pack a whole bunch of bras away until such a time as I become pregnant again, but it turns out my decreasing milk supply is also resulting in ill-fitting frocks!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I’ve always been proud of my figure, attributing my boobs to being one of my best physical features, so now that they’re almost gone (like, actually gone) I’m definitely disappointed.

I also feel torn between sadness and pride; sad that my boobs are disappearing into oblivion before my eyes, but proud that I’ve been able to use them to sustain a human life, Ayla’s life, for nearly fourteen months.

I’m sad about the change in my figure, but I’m also proud for having lost my baby weight in a healthy, natural way.

And, I’m sad about the loss of my “youth”… The days of squeezing into too tight tops just to see how many second glances I’d get are LONG gone, but I’m proud to have swapped that for a gorgeous baby girl and her adoring father, and proud that I’m proud of that!

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Second Mothers Day

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Sunday, 11 May 2014: One Year and Forty One Days Old.

I can’t believe today was my second Mothers Day.

It feels so different to last year when Ayla was only six weeks new, brown haired and floppy necked and so very fragile and pure.

This year however, knowing it’s my second Mothers Day, I feel as though I should know what I’m doing but of course I clearly don’t!

Every day with Ayla is like a whole new world, and I just have to think back twelve months ago to realise how much we’ve changed… Both of us.

Being my second Mothers Day also took some of the shine away (already!) but we had a lovely day nonetheless.

And although it wasn’t my first Mothers Day I was lucky enough to receive my first homemade presents from Ayla and I will treasure them for many more Mothers Days to come.

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Real Grandma

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Thursday, 24 April 2014: One Year, Three Weeks and Two Days Old.

When I got home from work this afternoon my mum met me at the door with a big grin and said “today I got to feel like a real grandma!”

Mum has been visiting for a week and while I’ve been at work she’s looked after Ayla in conjunction with Hubby who’s been on his rostered week off.

But today Ayla and her Grandma were on their own for the whole day – from 7.30am til 5.30pm.

My mum hasn’t had anything to do with babies for 26 years, but over the past week she’s been able to recall her undying parenting skills and has aptly put Ayla to bed, fed her, changed her and played with her like she’s been doing it all along.

But I think what had really resonated with Mum on this visit was that she’s been able to get to know Ayla in her own environment, and share in every day activities that she would normally miss out on due to distance.

I’ve loved seeing Ayla and her Grandma spend quality time together , and my Mum’s great day with Ayla culminated this evening when Ayla took her first official steps!

Ayla took just a couple of tentative wobbly ones but they were toward her Grandma and that put the icing on the cake for my Mum.

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Where’s your nose?

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Wednesday, 12 April 2014: Three Hundred and Forty Five Days Old.

Ayla learned where her nose is today!

I’ve been trying to teach her for a week or so now but usually she just copies me and points to my nose or pretends she’s pointing at something else.

I think it’s been a little tricky for Ayla to learn because she’s always understood “where is” in terms of things external to her, like The Dog, Cat Cat or Daddy.

But today she finally realised that there’s things different things that make up “Ayla” and she’s learned that her nose is one of them.

It just makes me well with pride when Ayla learns new things like this. I am so proud of her intelligence, her confidence, her ability to adapt, learn and grow.

And what a cute little nose it is! Who wouldn’t want to know where it is?!

I can’t wait to pretend I’ve pulled it offer her face though, in that game where you pretend the tip of your thumb is someone’s nose!

I think Ayla will love it but I’ll give it a couple of weeks before I try it I think… don’t want her to think her nose has gone just days after she found it!

PS – if you think Ayla’s adorable please vote for her in the Bonds Babies Search, Australia’s biggest baby photo comp!

C’mon, who wouldn’t wanna see that face on a billboard! Click here to vote

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Three at once

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Monday, 24 February 2014: Forty Seven Weeks Old.

Ayla and I were very busy today but I think the constant activity helped distract her from the awful pain of teething.

I can see three of Ayla’s top teeth all trying to push their way through at once; one front one and her two incisors (the pointy sharp fangs on either side of the front ones, which must feel like razor sharp samurai swords slowly splitting their way through her gums).

It must be agony for my poor Baby Ayla and I could tell she was suffering because she became grizzly and clingy and hard to please whenever we were between jobs or activities today.

I guess the thing with having an easygoing baby is that it doesn’t take much for it to feel like you’ve suddenly acquired a difficult one and I was grateful for the things that kept her occupied today.

Ayla spent most of the day in water actually – she had a swimming lesson, played with the hose, sucked on melting ice cubes and had multiple baths – and although it kept a smile on her face while I got stuck into some renovations I could see Ayla was distracted and uncomfortable.

I hope the teeth come through soon, I hate to see Ayla in pain like this but I can’t believe her little gummy smile is nearly nothing but a memory!

PS – I can’t remember if I made note on here about Ayla’s third tooth when it came through… it’s her first top one and has joined her two front bottom teeth.

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Outdoor playtime

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Sunday, 23 February 2014: Two Hundred and Thirty Days Old.

Ayla had her first proper outdoor playtime today and she spent it cruising around eating sticks and leaves, chasing the cat and playing in puddles.

Ayla has of course been outside countless times but this afternoon was the first opportunity she’s had to crawl about where ever she wanted doing what ever took her fancy.

Usually when I’ve taken Ayla outside I’ve sat her on a particular patch of grass and kept a close vigil on her whereabouts or I’ve relegated Ayla to her walker knowing she’d could go past the driveway edges.

Needless to say Ayla loved her newfound freedom and was covered head to toe in dirt, cobwebs, dogs hairs and goodness knows what else in no time.

There’s not doubt I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s near impossible to keep an immaculately clean and well presented baby all of the time, and to tell you the truth I actually enjoyed seeing Baby Ayla have so much fun getting dirty.

Letting Ayla explore the outdoors also meant that I was free to get stuck into the gardening, so long as I kept one watchful eye on Ayla of course!

And, because I we’re to lucky enough to live in the tropics, I knew that no matter how sweaty and dirty we got a quick wash down with was waiting for us at the end!

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Love my Child

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Monday, 17 February 2014: Forty Six Weeks Old.

I watched the first part of a new TV series about unwed, underage mothers in the late 1960’s tonight, and within second of it finishing I went straight in to see my sleeping Baby Ayla.

Every night since Ayla’s been born I’ve crept into her room while she’s slept, kissed her on the forehead and told her I love her.

But tonight, as well as whispering the usual “sweet dreams, sleep tight” I also thanked my Baby Ayla for coming into my life.

Within seconds of her birth and within moments of meeting her, my life changed forever; in just a few, fresh breaths of air Ayla somehow managed to open my eyes to a new world, a new range of emotions, a new set of passions and to a whole new me.

Within just those first few minutes, I became somebody who would sacrifice my life for another, if only that life was hers.

Watching the TV show tonight made me feel so unbelievably lucky and grateful for the world we live in, and so thankful that I get to spend countless moments with my Ayla.

Being a mother is so much more than I ever expected. As someone with no natural maternal drive the overwhelming all encompassing love I have for my daughter takes my breath away, every day.

Every new day brings new adventures and learnings and it’s a journey I am forever, eternally grateful for.