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Getting there…

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Tuesday, 2 September 2014; One Year, One Hundred and Fifty Five Days Old.

Ayla and I had a number of appointments today that, I think, have turned out to be promising.

We met with a gastroenterological paediatrician who has booked Ayla in for an endoscopy, some kind of colonoscopy and bowel biopsies next Friday. He’s also requested new stool samples to test for a greater range of parasites, and will conduct some further blood tests while Ayla is under anaesthetic.

He doesn’t necessarily feel they will provide us with a cause, but it will certainly rule out any ongoing medical conditions that are causing Ayla’s problems. He is also referring us to an endocrinologist who can investigate Ayla’s growth concerns.

We also met with an Integrated Medicine doctor who’s prescribed a number of supplements to increase Ayla’s appetite, encourage better bowel function and replace essential microflora that’s missing from her gut. This activity will accompany the already prescribed baby biotics, bile salts and enzyme replacements by our dietician, and we’ll be able to get started on them almost straight away.

Thirdly, Ayla underwent some “third generation tens” treatment today to try and increase the function of her nervous system and remove any blockages that could be impacting her bowel. I’d never heard of it before and I’m not 100% convinced in the science but I figured it couldn’t hurt so we did it anyway.

We’ve also been seeing a children’s chirpractor who said Ayla’s pelvis was extremely inflamed, and he’s been treating her L4 vertabrae that incidently pushes on the nerves that go to the bowel. Don’t know if it’s working or will have an impact but it makes sense that we’d do what we can to address this as an easy fix.

So, we still don’t have answers but I feel like we’re finally getting some relevant care and suitable attention. The gastro paed was especially exciting as he was able to categorically rule out a couple of my concerns and he was the first doctor who I actually feel wanted to do something, at least to put our mind at ease.

We still have a decent road ahead but I’m finally starting to feel like we’re on the right path.

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Amazeballs

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Monday, 23 June 2014: One Year and Twelve Weeks Old.

Ayla was paying more attention at The Wiggles yesterday than I realised!

On the way to day care this morning I decided to sing “hot potato”… and Ayla knew the actions!!

For only ever having heard the song once before, amidst a stack of other songs, I was shocked and stunningly impressed Ayla remembered!

When I sang the words “hot potato, hot potato” Ayla made little fists and banged them together, albeit in a clapping motion rather than a stacking one.

When I sang “cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti” Ayla waved her hands sideways in the air with little spirit fingers, so very close to the up and down waving action from the song.

And then when I sang “mashed banana, mashed banana” Ayla nailed it, opening her fingers wide, smashing her palms together and twisting them left and right with a cheeky grin on her face.

THEN! Just when I thought Ayla couldn’t get any more amazing, I caught her playing “round and round the garden” with herself!

Ayla was tickling her left palm with the fingers on her right, before touching her forearm, then her upper arm, then sticking her fingers under her arm in an attempt to tickle herself!

I squealed with delight and amazement! Then Ayla did it again… This time with her version of words!!

Gosh Ayla is amazing. So overwhelming, undeniably amazeballs.

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Flat

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Thursday, 22 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Two Days Old.

Today marked the second time in a week someone has commented on my flat chest.

Sure, I’d sort of realised that since going back to work my boobs had shrunk a bit, but I didn’t realise it was so noticeable’

Admittedly I’ve had to pack a whole bunch of bras away until such a time as I become pregnant again, but it turns out my decreasing milk supply is also resulting in ill-fitting frocks!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I’ve always been proud of my figure, attributing my boobs to being one of my best physical features, so now that they’re almost gone (like, actually gone) I’m definitely disappointed.

I also feel torn between sadness and pride; sad that my boobs are disappearing into oblivion before my eyes, but proud that I’ve been able to use them to sustain a human life, Ayla’s life, for nearly fourteen months.

I’m sad about the change in my figure, but I’m also proud for having lost my baby weight in a healthy, natural way.

And, I’m sad about the loss of my “youth”… The days of squeezing into too tight tops just to see how many second glances I’d get are LONG gone, but I’m proud to have swapped that for a gorgeous baby girl and her adoring father, and proud that I’m proud of that!

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Loves it

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Wednesday, 21 May 2014: One Year and Fifty One Days Old.

Ayla really loves her day care; LOVES IT.

Ayla must have been watching out the window this morning when I pulled up in the car park to drop her off.

I shut down the car and turned to look at Ayla and explain, like I always do, that it was time for her to go to school, but before a single word could escape my moutH Ayla started waving and saying “bub-bye”!

“Bub-bye” is definitely Ayla’s favourite word at the moment, probably because it’s accompanied by the distinct action of waving, but I couldn’t help feeling obsolete when she said it to me this morning.

Of course I’m glad that Ayla loves her day care so much, and it gives me so much peace of mind to know she’s being care for by people she looks forward to seeing each morning, but still the pang of sadness reached into my heart.

To make matters worse, when we got in to day care Ayla immediately reached for one of the carers, and no sooner was Ayla on the day care mums lap was she again waving “bub-bye” to me and blowing kisses.

My little girl is certainly growing up and I guess I should be grateful for parting acknowledgement…. Goodness knows when Ayla’s four I probably won’t get a glance back, and when she’s fourteen a grunt will be a miracle!

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Second Mothers Day

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Sunday, 11 May 2014: One Year and Forty One Days Old.

I can’t believe today was my second Mothers Day.

It feels so different to last year when Ayla was only six weeks new, brown haired and floppy necked and so very fragile and pure.

This year however, knowing it’s my second Mothers Day, I feel as though I should know what I’m doing but of course I clearly don’t!

Every day with Ayla is like a whole new world, and I just have to think back twelve months ago to realise how much we’ve changed… Both of us.

Being my second Mothers Day also took some of the shine away (already!) but we had a lovely day nonetheless.

And although it wasn’t my first Mothers Day I was lucky enough to receive my first homemade presents from Ayla and I will treasure them for many more Mothers Days to come.

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Real Grandma

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Thursday, 24 April 2014: One Year, Three Weeks and Two Days Old.

When I got home from work this afternoon my mum met me at the door with a big grin and said “today I got to feel like a real grandma!”

Mum has been visiting for a week and while I’ve been at work she’s looked after Ayla in conjunction with Hubby who’s been on his rostered week off.

But today Ayla and her Grandma were on their own for the whole day – from 7.30am til 5.30pm.

My mum hasn’t had anything to do with babies for 26 years, but over the past week she’s been able to recall her undying parenting skills and has aptly put Ayla to bed, fed her, changed her and played with her like she’s been doing it all along.

But I think what had really resonated with Mum on this visit was that she’s been able to get to know Ayla in her own environment, and share in every day activities that she would normally miss out on due to distance.

I’ve loved seeing Ayla and her Grandma spend quality time together , and my Mum’s great day with Ayla culminated this evening when Ayla took her first official steps!

Ayla took just a couple of tentative wobbly ones but they were toward her Grandma and that put the icing on the cake for my Mum.

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Tickle monster

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Wednesday, 26 February 2014: Three Hundred and Thirty One Days Old.

Ayla’s always loved being tickled and gets so exited her squeals reach a pitch high enough to almost shatter glass and her smile looks like its about to break her face in two.

And now Ayla’s learned to share the fun of being tickled with Hubby and I.

I couldn’t quite work out what Ayla was doing the first time she grabbed at my underarm and I thought maybe I’d let things grow a little bit “wild” under there.

But after reassuring myself that I wasn’t at all unkempt Ayla’s persistence really had me stumped.

Eventually, with no other solution coming to mind I decided to tickle Ayla under her arm so she could feel what she was doing to me; it wasn’t exactly ticklish but it was certainly making me flinch!

Then it clicked. Ayla was in fact one step ahead of me, deciding she felt like a tickle fight and using her initiative to kick things off.

But now I’ve created a Tickle Monster! Whenever an underarm is exposed at Ayla level (which includes the lying on the couch and sitting on the floor) you can rest assured it won’t be long before her tiny fingers start grabbing and poking and “tickling”.

I pretend to laugh and squeal which set Ayla off in a fit off giggles, so happy and pleased with herself that she can beat Mummy at her own game.

But while it’s all in fun for Ayla and I, when Ayla decides to give Daddy a tickle it usually ends in tears – his!

It seems that Daddy’s armpits, with all their masculinity, are not cut out for tiny pinching baby fingers…. but it doesn’t stop Ayla trying!