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Questions and answers

Monday, 11 August 2014; xx Weeks Old

When I picked Ayla up from day care this afternoon, the Day Care Mum was in tears.

She was crying because she’d just seen Ayla in pain, crying, struggling to do something all other kids take for granted.

She’d just witnessed the reason for the ongoing food diary, the gluten free dairy free diet, the appointments, the tests, the band-aids on her elbows, and she was horrified.

As awful as I felt for her, I was glad that the day care centre finally got to witness what Hubby and I have been experiencing on the weeknights and weekends; our beautiful baby girl in crying pain.

After a bit of investigation I found out that what had caused the Day Care Mum to cry was simply a tiny, tiny part of Ayla at her worst.

What the Day Care Mum saw today did not include Ayla’s cheeks being stained from hours of tears. She didn’t see the vomiting, the eyes rolling back in Ayla’s head or the moments of unconsciousness, all brought on by pain.

But still, the Day Care Mum was crying because what she had seen was enough and she couldn’t stand it. She stared at me in awe and asked me how I do it and I simply couldn’t answer.

It made me look at Ayla’s situation a little differently because I didn’t realise that my strength might be diluting the severity of Ayla’s illness…. Because I am strong and logical, systematic and controlled, maybe I haven’t allowed myself to panic, which in turn drives outcry and action.

So of course, the guilt crept back in and the worry amplified and I found myself back at square one; questioning the doctors and their dismissive solutions for Ayla’s symptoms, but not the cause, and querying the dieticians and their long drawn-out processes of elimination.

I need answers. And I need them now.

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Ulcers

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Wednesday, 4 June 2014: One Year and Sixty Five Days.

Poor Baby Ayla’s mouth is riddled with ulcers!

When I picked her up from day care they said she’d spent most of the day crying, and when I saw my baby girl with a red swollen bottom lip and drool running down her chin like a tap I knew it wasn’t teething.

After consulting with my personal physician (mum) I decided to brave the potential tears and take a look in Ayla’s mouth.

Her WHOLE bottom lip was covered by two massive blisters.

So, off to the doctors we went, to find out what on earth was happening.

The doctor diagnosed them as ulcers but he was shocked at the severity of them. He prescribed us a soothing ointment that should clear them up in a couple of days.

So for now it hurts whenever Ayla eats, when she drinks, when anything touches face.

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My turn

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Tuesday, 3 June 2014: One Year and Sixty Four Days Old.It was my turn to stay home with Baby Ayla today.

Ayla still had a fever this morning and was very very clingy, so I couldn’t bring myself to dump her at day care.

While the morning was spent cuddling her in my arms, around 10am Ayla went down for a sleep… For FOUR hours.

She must have needed it, poor bubba, and I felt like I’d won lotto with a whole four hours to do things around the house!

When Ayla woke up from her sleep however, she was just as miserable as before, if not moreso.

She didn’t have a temperature but Ayla was obviously in pain; squinting her eyes, hitting her head and crying unconsolably.

I think it might be teething, although I though teething was supposed to get easier the more teeth kids gets.

Ayla was drooling like crazy and I had to change her shirt, and by the time Hubby got home Ayla couldn’t shut her mouth.

One half of me hopes to goodness it’s teething and nothing more sinister, but another part dreads twelve more months of seeing my girl in agony!

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Three at once

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Monday, 24 February 2014: Forty Seven Weeks Old.

Ayla and I were very busy today but I think the constant activity helped distract her from the awful pain of teething.

I can see three of Ayla’s top teeth all trying to push their way through at once; one front one and her two incisors (the pointy sharp fangs on either side of the front ones, which must feel like razor sharp samurai swords slowly splitting their way through her gums).

It must be agony for my poor Baby Ayla and I could tell she was suffering because she became grizzly and clingy and hard to please whenever we were between jobs or activities today.

I guess the thing with having an easygoing baby is that it doesn’t take much for it to feel like you’ve suddenly acquired a difficult one and I was grateful for the things that kept her occupied today.

Ayla spent most of the day in water actually – she had a swimming lesson, played with the hose, sucked on melting ice cubes and had multiple baths – and although it kept a smile on her face while I got stuck into some renovations I could see Ayla was distracted and uncomfortable.

I hope the teeth come through soon, I hate to see Ayla in pain like this but I can’t believe her little gummy smile is nearly nothing but a memory!

PS – I can’t remember if I made note on here about Ayla’s third tooth when it came through… it’s her first top one and has joined her two front bottom teeth.

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36 hours

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Friday, 18 October 2013: Two Hundred and One Days Old.

It’s been over 36 hours without a nappy now and all is going well.

Ayla had the best nights sleep in ages last night; instead of waking every two to four hours, she slept eight hours and then another four.

I felt like a new woman this morning and I’m sure Ayla did too. Her rash was looking MUCH better and her morning smiles were proof.

But as the day wore on and got hotter, so too did the nappy rash.

We had a lunch date to attend so instead of nappies I dressed Ayla in tiny cotton underpants that I changed after every wee.

Ayla was the epitome of bravery and dignity the whole time. She didn’t complain or bat an eyelid when I stripped her down in the dress store, or when she wet herself at sushi… She was happy and smiling and glad to be alive.

I think Ayla’s been enjoying all the naked time, and I know she’s loved the fun new positions and activities we’ve been doing to minimise the damage caused by impending accidents.

I feel like I’m making it up to her, slowly, and it’s good to know she’s on the mend, but its such an awful uncomfortable thing that I wish I could snap my fingers and take it all away.