Sunday, 21 September 2014: One Year, One Hundred and Seventy Three Days Old.
Hubby, a friend of his and I went out fishing in the boat today and of course we had Baby Ayla in tow.
Ayla was SUCH a good girl; I can’t express how proud and grateful I am of the beautiful, calm, friendly and content little girl she’s growing in to!
We were out on the water for 7 hours, right through the middle of the day, and Ayla was literally an angel the whole time. She spent the the day sitting up on my chair, chewing on biscuits, chatting away to us and playing with her dolly. And whenever a fish came on board Ayla would get as excited as we were, happily pointing and declaring “fish! fish!” over and over until we threw it back.
Ayla’s awesomeness meant it was the first time since becoming a mum that I’ve actually been able to join in on the fishing action properly, without worrying about her getting into lures, falling over at every wave or eating bait… Mmm yum! Instead, I was confidently able to relax and enjoy being out on the water with my bestie (Hubby) doing what we love, while the person we love most (Ayla) watched over us and cheered on from the sidelines.
As if in thanks for her great behaviour, (in case the perfect weather, calm water and good fish weren’t enough) the “Fish Gods” put on an amazing display of beauty when a pod of dolphins came up to play beside the boat. Ayla stood up on the deck while I held on tight and we watched in awe as the dolphins swam effortlessly beside the boat coming up for breaths of air and riding the bow wave.
We all felt so lucky and happy to be witness to something so naturally beautiful; it was one of those perfect moments that make you feel blessed and thankful and get a sense that maybe you are on the right path afterall and that everything’s going to be ok.
Sunday, 20 July 2014: One Year, One Hundred and Eleven Days Old.
As I go to bed tonight I feel so amazingly blessed to have such a beautiful, friendly, smart, gracious little girl for a daughter, and a kind, loving, honest and strong man for a husband.
I’m not quite sure what it is that’s making me feel the love but I had to drag myself away from Ayla’s bedside after I snuck in for her nightly kiss and “sweet dreams” wish, and now I feel heart is going to burst.
It’s intereseting because feeling “blessed” is something that’s attainable by all of us but I feel so very privledged to be aware enough to see it.
The past month or so has been quite tumultous, worry and stress and uncertainty has hung over us like a fading shadow, and even though logically we know everything will turn out just fine and that everyone will be alright, it’s been hard to let myself really feel it.
I think tonight I’ve just had a renewed sense that these really are some of the best days of our lives, and I’m determined to appreciate them while they’re here.
Hubby, Ayla and I are a fresh little family of three with so much excitement and potential on the horizion and so much support and strength from our friends and family behind us that no matter what happens we will be ok… More than ok.
Thursday, 29 May 2014: One Year and Sixty Days Old.
I picked Ayla up today to discover piggy tails in her hair!!
Oh my gosh, it was adorable, and I think it might become Ayla’s customary ‘do.
It made me realise that day care is definitely shaping the person Ayla is becoming.
It’s a good thing, I think. If it weren’t for day care I probably wouldn’t have thought to try a pony tail, let alone piggy tails!
I guess sending Ayla today care is particularly useful because I have no idea or experience with anything child related.
For example I probably wouldn’t have thought to try finger painting with Ayla but apparently she loves it!
As good as day care is though, there’s a part of me, deep down, that is sad I’m not discovering these things on my own.
I would love to have seen Ayla’s face the first time she put her hands in a tub of paint, and it would have been so exciting to realise her hair was finally long enough to style!
But I guess it’s all part and parcel of modern day life. So few people are in a position to stay at home with their kids, and I have to remind myself how lucky I was to have a whole year at home.
Wednesday, 28 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Nine Days Old.
There’s absolutely no question about how being a mum has changed me.
In so many ways I see the world more clearly, I’m more conscious of myself and I feel like I can relate more to people around me.
I also feel stronger, calmer and more resilient and I find myself turning to focus on what matters instead of how a situation came to be.
Best of all about my mummy-transformation is that it’s happened while Hubby has been by my side.
He too has grown and changed, and together we find ourselves to be confident in our partnership, our goals and where we’re headed.
Of course we attribute a lot, if not all, of this newfound wisdom to Baby Ayla, who in all her innocence had opened our eyes to happiness and contentment in its purest form.
It’s hard to tell if we’ve been uniquely blessed or if there’s been a few strange twists of fate that have made the stars align for us, but we certainly know what we have is special and we’re not going to let a single thing ruin it.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014: One Year and Fifty Seven Days Old.
Ayla was like my miracle mood ring today!
I’d woken up frustrated and angry, probably due to a few bad nights sleep in a row.
I could tell my foul mood was oozing out of my skin, so when the time came to take Ayla to day care I was conscious that the tension was trapped inside my car!
In an attempt to distract Ayla from my mood I turned the radio on, hoping she would turn her ears to the noise and forget the steam coming out of mine.
Then suddenly something click inside me and I decided the easiest way to stop Ayla picking up the bad vibes was to turn them into good ones, or at least neutralise the negativity.
So I picked up the tune from the song that had just finished playing and started making up my own lyrics about Baby Ayla.
The words were silly and repetitive, my tone was terrible and the melody was almost replaced with shouting but Ayla loved it.
From her car seat Ayla started bobbing away, dropping her left shoulder, clapping her hands and kicking her feat.
Ayla’s enthusiasm did nothing but spur me on and by the time we arrived at day care I was puffed, and happy.
Sunday, 27 April 2014: One Year, Three Weeks and Five Days Old.
I realised today that one day I’ll probably look back on this time of my life and think they were the best years I’ve ever had.
When that time comes, I don’t want to find myself wishing I’d realised it “back then”, I’d much rather feel lucky for having taken the time to appreciate it while I lived it.
This whole epiphany came about this afternoon while Hubby and I were doing reno’s in the backyard and Ayla was trying her darnedest to “help” us.
As usual I was worrying about the sun, the grass, the power tools, the heat, the attention Ayla wanted and wasn’t getting, and the priority I was putting on renovating instead of Ayla.
But all of a sudden it was like I was looking through a lens and I felt so very grateful.
Although things are crazy busy, overwhelming and sometimes stressful – trying to find the balance between motherhood, career, renovating and studying isn’t easy – I’m blessed with all the things that matter.
Monday, 20 January 2014: Forty Two Weeks Old.
Ayla and I had a long list of errands planned for today but due to a mixup with car keys we found ourselves stranded at home during yet another rainy day.
But, what could have turned out to be a disaster was really an angel in disguise because being “stranded” meant Ayla had all day to hang out, have fun and love it up.
Being able to spend all day together, with no interruptions or appointments, I realised that despite my commitment to enjoy the moment and savour the little things, I’ve let life run away with me again.
Since early December I’ve given priority to things that don’t matter; issues from the past, other peoples journeys, my long term goals and stressing about irrelevant and insignificant things.
It’s meant that the days have started to flow into each other – each one looking very similar to the one before it – not due to the actual events happening but due to the silly things I’ve been focusing on.
So today was a day to regroup, to realign my priorities, to make it up to my little girl, and to re-ground myself in the now.
I realised that life is just far too short. At any moment my world could be turned completely upside down and while I like to think it’d never happen to me, why not live it like it could?