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Back to it!

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Monday, 22 August 2014: One Year and Twenty Five Weeks Old.

It was back to work for me and back to day care for Ayla today and it was like we’d never been away.

Because I’d been working from home while Ayla and I were interstate my return to work was rather uneventful but I was glad to be back in the office and around people again!

Ayla was also glad to be back at day care with her friends, not even coming close to tears as I handed her over, gave her a kiss and waved goodbye. I was surprised really because I expected her to be clingy and emotional after all the upheaval of the past few weeks, even though I’d had a sneaking suspicion she’d been missing her little friends.

It’s funny really, how Ayla and I loved our intense time together while we were away, but we both seemed equally grateful to be back to our routine and normal activities again.

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Back to reality

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Friday, 4 July 2014: One Year and Ninety Five Days Old.

It was back to reality for my little family today, and Ayla didn’t want a bar of it.

When I dropped her at day care this morning, Ayla cried and clasped onto me and wouldn’t let me go. It was the first time Ayla had reacted like that since her first few weeks of day care and it was heartbreaking.

I knew that Ayla loved our week away, having the attention of both her Daddy and I for a whole seven days, but I didn’t realise how much it actually meant to her.

Ayla’s reaction shone a spotlight on the importance of family first, focusing on our own little nucleus instead of all the day-to-day living activities that often steal our attention.

Going back to work (and life) was also a bit of a downer for me. Not because I don’t love my job or because I’m not grateful for the wonderful life we have, but because with life comes distraction and I know what an impact this can have on Ayla.

I don’t know what the answer is… The answer to life-balance.

To keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, to have the money to afford a good education for Ayla, and still finding funds for the things we enjoy means both of us must work.

It also means we have to dedicate our spare time to renovating and property investing, goodness knows our superannuation won’t be much, and it takes time and commitment to continue building our skills so we can maintain our careers.

But, it all comes at such a cost!

Seeing Ayla in tears this morning brought back my desire to throw all our plans and goals and dreams away and head off on an extended family “holiday”; to not worry at all about the future, or Ayla’s future, and think only of the now.

But while it sounds like a wonderful idea and one that could even be achievable, it’s a risky whim that doesn’t address the real issue, it still doesn’t create balance.

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FORGOT

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Tuesday, 17 June 2014: One Year and Seventy Eight Days Old.

Oh my goodness I FORGOT Ayla today!

Although I’d been caught up late at work I still had to ring our designer to confirm a few things.

So, I made the call on my mobile on the way home and completely forgot to turn off toward Ayla’s day care.

It wasn’t until after the call had wrapped up and I was only a minute or so from home that I realised!

I think part of the reason I forgot was because in the back of my mind I knew Hubby was home earlier than usual, even though we’d discussed Ayla’s pick up just an hour earlier.

Anyway, I raced through the back streets and pulled up at day care, feeling guilty and a little but ashamed.

I felt guilty because I know most parents probably forget their kid at some point but I didn’t think it would happen to me so soon!

And I was ashamed because I let work take over my brain to the point I forgot to pick up my darling Baby Ayla.

It could have been worse I guess, I arrived before 5pm and Ayla was really none the wiser… If anything she was happier than usual to see me!

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My turn

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Tuesday, 3 June 2014: One Year and Sixty Four Days Old.It was my turn to stay home with Baby Ayla today.

Ayla still had a fever this morning and was very very clingy, so I couldn’t bring myself to dump her at day care.

While the morning was spent cuddling her in my arms, around 10am Ayla went down for a sleep… For FOUR hours.

She must have needed it, poor bubba, and I felt like I’d won lotto with a whole four hours to do things around the house!

When Ayla woke up from her sleep however, she was just as miserable as before, if not moreso.

She didn’t have a temperature but Ayla was obviously in pain; squinting her eyes, hitting her head and crying unconsolably.

I think it might be teething, although I though teething was supposed to get easier the more teeth kids gets.

Ayla was drooling like crazy and I had to change her shirt, and by the time Hubby got home Ayla couldn’t shut her mouth.

One half of me hopes to goodness it’s teething and nothing more sinister, but another part dreads twelve more months of seeing my girl in agony!

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Doctor Dad

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Monday, 3 June 3014: One Year and Eight Weeks Old.

Hubby got to play Doctor Dad all day today.

It was strange because I felt a little nervous leaving him at home with a sick Baby Ayla, even though I knew they’d both be ok.

I think it was because Hubby is so GOOD at being a Dad.

To me, it looks like parenthood is completely natural for him; he’s calm, confident, well-balanced and fun.

Of course there’s a little element of causality in there, but show me a grown up man anywhere who wouldn’t be considered “casual” or “relaxed”.

I tried my best not to fuss as I left my instructions and hurtled out the door, late because I’d spent too much time preparing the day to make it as easy as possible for my little family.

When I came home, Ayla was still sick and Hubby was still, almost a little disappointedly for me, unfrazzled.

It was a a great reminder to me that Hubby and I are undoubtedly a team, and today he stepped up to plate and delivered a home run.

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Piggy tails

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Thursday, 29 May 2014: One Year and Sixty Days Old.

I picked Ayla up today to discover piggy tails in her hair!!

Oh my gosh, it was adorable, and I think it might become Ayla’s customary ‘do.

It made me realise that day care is definitely shaping the person Ayla is becoming.

It’s a good thing, I think. If it weren’t for day care I probably wouldn’t have thought to try a pony tail, let alone piggy tails!

I guess sending Ayla today care is particularly useful because I have no idea or experience with anything child related.

For example I probably wouldn’t have thought to try finger painting with Ayla but apparently she loves it!

As good as day care is though, there’s a part of me, deep down, that is sad I’m not discovering these things on my own.

I would love to have seen Ayla’s face the first time she put her hands in a tub of paint, and it would have been so exciting to realise her hair was finally long enough to style!

But I guess it’s all part and parcel of modern day life. So few people are in a position to stay at home with their kids, and I have to remind myself how lucky I was to have a whole year at home.

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Loves it

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Wednesday, 21 May 2014: One Year and Fifty One Days Old.

Ayla really loves her day care; LOVES IT.

Ayla must have been watching out the window this morning when I pulled up in the car park to drop her off.

I shut down the car and turned to look at Ayla and explain, like I always do, that it was time for her to go to school, but before a single word could escape my moutH Ayla started waving and saying “bub-bye”!

“Bub-bye” is definitely Ayla’s favourite word at the moment, probably because it’s accompanied by the distinct action of waving, but I couldn’t help feeling obsolete when she said it to me this morning.

Of course I’m glad that Ayla loves her day care so much, and it gives me so much peace of mind to know she’s being care for by people she looks forward to seeing each morning, but still the pang of sadness reached into my heart.

To make matters worse, when we got in to day care Ayla immediately reached for one of the carers, and no sooner was Ayla on the day care mums lap was she again waving “bub-bye” to me and blowing kisses.

My little girl is certainly growing up and I guess I should be grateful for parting acknowledgement…. Goodness knows when Ayla’s four I probably won’t get a glance back, and when she’s fourteen a grunt will be a miracle!